Anjli Garg-Your Coach To Soar

Meet Anjli Garg,  executive coach,  mother,  and lawyer.  Anjli's clients love her.  She is an amazing coach who can help you reach your professional goals and your life goals. In this podcast episode, Anjli coaches us on obtaining clarity around what we want out of life, the benefit of acknowledging our feelings,  how to  "bring yourself into your life" and more. Her words are so full of love, wisdom and healing.  Whether you listen to the entire 45 minutes or focus on one of the Coaching Segments,  this podcast episode will change your life. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Anjli
• 6:59 Permission To Be Me
• 17:21 Coaching Segment #1-Stepping Into You
• 23:11 Coaching Segment #2-Resistance
• 25:20 Coaching Segment #3-Clarity
• 31:10 Coaching Segment #4-Safety
• 39:40 Feel Your Feelings

Transcript

anjli garg - your coach to soar

Fri, May 24, 2024 1:10PM • 47:33

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

feel, life, suppressing, talk, energy, resistance, high achieving, happening, created, feelings, rhonda, women, achieved, quieted, joy, sensations, deconstructed, sense, garg, success

SPEAKERS

Rhonda Coleman Wandel
Anjli Garg

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  00:08

Hi everyone. I'm Rhonda Coleman one Dell and welcome to my podcast where we share our stories to inform, uplift and inspire professional women everywhere. On today's episode I'm talking to Angelique Garg. Anjali is an executive coach, lawyer and mother. Today, Angela and I will explore the life path that led her to coaching and discuss some of the tools that she teaches her coaching clients. Hi, Anjali, welcome to the podcast.

Anjli Garg 00:37

Hi, Rhonda. It's so wonderful to be here with you. Thank you for having me.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  00:42

I am so excited to have you on the podcast, and I imagine that people who listen to the podcast or just even talk to me every day or two because they're like, Okay, Rhonda, every time I talk to you about your coaching with Angela Garg. And so now everybody gets to finally meet you, which is awesome.

Anjli Garg 01:05

Oh, it's my pleasure and honor to be here. Thank you. Great.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  01:10

So I'd like to start out because I think it's people like to kind of get an understanding of who you are, as a person where you come from I know I do. Makes me feel even more connected to your journey and appreciate where you've ended up even more. So who are you?

Anjli Garg 01:33

Oh, wow, do you have a lifetime? Well, in a nutshell, there's so many aspects, I feel like I've lived so many lives and one and as many people have. But in a nutshell, I came to this country as an immigrant, I was born in India, I was about seven years old, my family moved here. And my life sort of turned upside down in one moment that I went from a place of complete belonging to a place where I didn't belong at all. And that started a journey of my own. That took me to becoming a very high achieving person who excelled in academics, because that's where I fit in, to excelling in college, to excelling in law school and having some adventures along the way. And becoming a mother becoming a wife, and and this professional that was very much focused on achieving in life that became the sort of the vehicle through which I gained my own identity. All right, that was my sense of self. And I was pretty disconnected from myself, I have to say, I was very much in my head. And I wasn't even aware of this, to be very honest with you. I thought this was exactly how life must be lived. It gave me a lot of success. I created a life that people looked at and was like, wow, you seem to have it all. And I realized it inside myself. I thought I was pretty happy. It wasn't until things started to come to the surface when I had an awakening of sorts, that I started to see the world and myself through a completely different lens. And that's when my life sort of deconstructed.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  03:40

So you've said a lot of good stuff I like to unpack. So you were going through both one you kind of found something you were good at where you fit in because as an immigrant, you didn't fit in. And but academics have something that you weren't good at and used as a vehicle of success. Yes, but that's a very, very narrow, narrow. Yeah. And hard compasses all of who you are. So if you are I imagine trying to walk this narrow path stay in this little box. That yes, that would be that will create challenges. And it sounds like one of the ones that have created for you. You were disconnected from who you really were because you're kind of walking this path that you think you're supposed to walk that house you this is how this is how you do it. This is how you achieve success.

Anjli Garg 04:45

Yes, absolutely.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  04:48

And then you said you're so I want to talk about so success. Yes and clearly. Whatever you had achieved was not Angeles true meaning of success, otherwise you would have been happy. And you would not have been disconnected from yourself. So can you talk a bit about that?

Anjli Garg 05:16

Yeah, absolutely. So you ask some really great questions. So in my so when I, when we, when we moved here, just to let you know, my parents were struggling, and we struggled financially, and for me, financial success was a very big thing. And I still believe that having financial success is very important to me, that's a value of mine. Because it brings me independence and brings me other things. So when I, when you mentioned that success, as I defined it to be, would have been different than what I was living. That's true, but I didn't know it. Right? Right, because I had so much quieted that voice inside myself, that told me what nourished me, but floated my boat, because all my energy was focused on the outside. It was focused on what others valued, I was focused on what was valuable out there. And I got really good at it. It was a muscle I exercised. And I figured out what people liked what they didn't like, what pleases them. What didn't please them. What brought success, what didn't bring success. But what I left out of the equation was myself.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  06:38

Yes.

Anjli Garg 06:41

So so what I say, finding that sense of self, it doesn't mean you blow up your life. It just means that you bring yourself into your life.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  06:55

Bring yourself into your life. Yeah. That's all sentence. It's so big. Yes, man. I think people don't know how to do that. Like, what does? Yeah, what does that mean? First of all, we've been told that what we think doesn't matter. And sometimes so many words, you know what I mean? So, how to one we figure out what that means? And then how do we give ourselves permission to do that?

Anjli Garg 07:29

Oh, great questions, all of them. While you know what I know that small sentence, it took me 15 years to figure it out. And it's a continuum. It's a continuum, because it's it's coming to that place where, you know, well, first, you form a connection back to yourself. And that, in itself is a journey, and can be a journey. It was for me. It took me a long time, because I had quieted and suppressed that voice so much that had no idea who I was, really. I knew on paper who I was, right. Right. And I was a very high functioning person. So it's not like I was crazy or anything or not able to function in life, I was functioning very well. And it's just that I had no idea what I liked. People would talk about passion, you know, and people and that was one of my cringy questions when people would ask me, What is your passion and I wanted to, like, scream inside, because it's like, I have no idea what my passion is. And you know what, it doesn't really matter. But it did matter. Because passion is where joy you can use it interchangeably. So it's first reconnecting with that voice inside that tells you what you like and what you don't like. And part of that is overcoming the fear of reconnecting with that voice. Because when you've when you've shut that voice off for so long, one of the fears that comes up and it came up for me is what am I going to find? Mm hmm yeah, it's that voice gonna say and is it going to blog my life right. And so what I realized though, along the way, and you said a very important word, by the way permission right. So for me, it happened in such a way that I could not ignore it. I had to go there because I ignored it ignored it, ignored it. I'm a very strong person I very strong willed. I can ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, until I could ignore it no more. So I had to do it the hard way. And what I encourage everyone to do is to not do it the way I did it. Yes. Okay, because one way or the other things get pushed to the breaking point when you ignore yourself. And it doesn't serve anyone in your life, by the way. And we'll talk about that later if you want to go into that, because it was one of the biggest fears that high achieving giving women have is that their main focus is taking care of other people. So if they start focusing on themselves, what now happens to all of the people that depend on them, and that they care about? And what I'll tell you, and what I discovered for myself, and what I discover when I'm working with my clients, and what they discover for themselves is when they self care when they nourish themselves, and I know you discovered this, yes, absolutely. You have so much more and better to give to others, to your family and to your co workers, and to everyone. It doesn't diminish from them. In fact, it increases the quality of what they receive from Rhonda. And for mentally.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  11:06

Absolutely. So you use your term, deconstructed your life deconstructed that up, because you were able to because you're very strong, as most of us are. who achieved success that you know, in this world that we live in? And you're able to and I certainly can relate to this and you know, this about me? can push, push, push, push, push, yes. You know, I got 2020 item checklist every day, I'm gonna get matter what I'm gonna make money. John Tory, everybody's got what they need, you know? Yep. But you at some point, you had to face the music, so to speak. Absolutely. Say like, okay, I can no longer like, what I feeling and your life deconstructing. And I want to talk a little bit about that to have sure have anything to do with that.

Anjli Garg 12:15

So I had an interesting situation. A lot of times, people's life deconstructs and then they look, mine happened a little bit differently. I had the awakening that led to the deconstruction, okay. All right. So I started this practice, I had just had my son, and like most of us who are like, oh, I want to get back into shape. I had a kid and I want to get back my pre baby body. I got into yoga for the first time and I loved it, I took to it to like a fish to water. And one day when I was practicing, I went into the spontaneous meditation and my world just shifted in that moment. It built upon it, but I got really quiet. And I started to turn inward. That's where a reconnection with myself started. And that reconnection with myself, started to show up in the outside world, in a way that I realized how unhappy I really was, and had been for so long. But I was not admitting it to myself. This was just opening the door. So it didn't cause my unhappiness. It just showed me what I was suppressing. For so long. And yeah.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  13:49

So what is deconstructed mean, what does that mean?

Anjli Garg 13:54

So in a very short amount of time, I lost, quote, unquote, lost so much of my identity. I got divorced, I had health problems. I was seeing the effects of what I was going through with the divorce on my son. I was on my whole life financially as well with litigation and in every aspect of my life, I saw even professionally, it, it just rocked my world. Literally deconstructed my world. So this identity that I had built up over the years carefully constructed, right, this this powerful lawyer, powerful, mother, powerful wife, whatever, however, you want to put additives around it. Not that I was doing it for that purpose, but this is what I had created us. This was what

Anjli Garg 14:53

the life that reflected what I wanted. All of that fellow way. And here I was standing naked. Like, who am I, if I'm not this, and I'm not that, of course, I was still a mother. But I wasn't the mother that I thought I was right.

Anjli Garg 15:17

I was no longer a wife, I no longer felt in control of my profession. I never, I didn't feel in control of my health, I didn't feel in control of much in my life, financially, all this stuff I'd built up, everything seemed to just just fall in the face of things. And at the time, it was extremely painful. And that's why I say to people don't do it the way I did it. A, it took that to wake me up to myself. And it was really hard at that time, because I didn't have any of these tools that help teach people I didn't know any of this stuff. It was just happening. And I felt like it was happening to me. I felt a victim to everything like why is this happening to me? What what is going on? What did I do to deserve this? All those questions people ask themselves, I asked those of myself. And it took a long time and lots of different resources and people and ideas and meditation and self work for me to come to a place of understanding that, that life fell away because it was not in integrity with who I was, and what I wanted. And it was really a way for me to begin a new because in order for me to create and to understand. Me, that's what needed to happen for me, that does not have to happen to anybody else. In fact, this is my whole mission of bringing this stuff to people is because I don't want that to happen to them.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  16:53

Right? Right.

Anjli Garg 16:57

Because you can do it the easy way. They can do it by reconnecting with yourself and to see what it is that nourishes you and bring that into your life without having to blow up your life in the process. For me, I didn't blow up my life and happen because I was suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing until it just had to blow up because I wouldn't have done it organically.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  17:23

What are the benefits to kind of stepping into the truer version of yourself versus the constructed? One? The one that you build up based on what outside? Influences say your life is supposed to look like? What are the benefits to just being you because it takes a lot of courage, especially when you've achieved lots of success through this external construct, to be able to say, okay, take a deep breath. I really don't like where I am. I don't like what what I really like over here, I'm what I'm not even really sure. But then if you do get some clarity around what you like you like, I don't see anybody else doing this. Yeah, being like, successful in this way. So how do we navigate? How do we navigate that? And then my initial question the benefits once we figure out how to navigate it, the benefits of actually stepping into who we really are and want to be?

Anjli Garg 18:34

So that's a big question. And it's, it starts with the baby step of first deciding that you want to do it, and giving yourself permission to do it. Right, that word is really important. And it can be a word that makes people feel it can bring up anger in high achieving professional women, right? Because we feel very independent. We are here at the front lines, we're doing all this stuff. So what do you mean, permission? Of course, I have permission. But the thing is, this is the kind of permission that many of us don't give ourselves not because we can't, but because there are a lot of subconscious forces that tell us that we shouldn't. Mm hmm. Right? Because before we were high achieving freshmen or women, we were little girls. Mm hmm. And the way that little girls are typically I don't know everybody's upbringing, but typically brought up is a place where you start to feel like your place in the world is more about how others see you and about pleasing others and giving to others. It's very little about empowering yourself now things are changing. But I don't see them changing that radically. So I think that's still there. or, and, and people might say that's the same for men. It's not any different. But I'm just going to speak about women for the moment because I see that more tendency amongst ourselves than I do amongst men. And so giving yourself permission is the first step, and then wanting to tune in and that one of the biggest ways to tune in is to pay attention to your body. Mm hmm. Because what we typically do, at least what I did, and what I see my clients doing is we live in our head. It is the place that is the altar at which we worship. Right? Because it's logical, it's it, we can control it, it makes sense, or at least we think we can control it. Right? It's, it's, we can reason our way through things. And it feels like a safe place to be, whereas the body feels really unsafe, because there's no way to control emotions and feelings and sensations sort of just come over you and you're like, Whoa, what do I do about this stuff? We escape escape into the head, because like, this, this stuff is uncomfortable. It's unsafe, I don't know how to deal with it. But really, that's one of the biggest steps to reconnecting with yourself, because your body does not lie. Right? So when you tune in to your body, and what does that actually mean? It's paying attention to when something's happening in the moment, when someone says something, or you're preparing to do something, and you think this is what you want to do, because this is the right thing to do. Your logical mind says, Yes, you should go for that job. Or you should go and do this thing. But you're not really sure if you want it, tune into your body. Because the sensations that come up in your body, and the emotions that give rise in your body, are going to point to what's really happening in you. What do you really want? And you can say that, well, how will I know if it's just fear about trying something? Or whether it's that I don't want it like let's say an anxiety, feeling starts starts bubbling up in you. Well pay attention to the to the sensations is that feeling of? What is that sensation of anxiety? Is it butterflies in your stomach? Is there a feeling of rising excitement? But also some fear? Mm hmm. Right? What's happened happening? really tune in? Because that'll give you information, like if I feel that bubble of excitement, but I also feel a bubble of fear that I really want this, but I'm a little bit afraid. And that's natural and normal when you're trying for something new. Right? Hmm. But if all you feel is a sinking feeling inside you, if all you feel is just the sense of zapping of your energy, that's telling you something. There's something about this that isn't in alignment with you.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  23:10

Right? So is that what we would call resistance? within us?

Anjli Garg 23:17

Yes. So all of these sensations and emotions that we try to ignore really point to resistance within us. So what you're pointing out is one of the things I have taught you and what I've, what I what I teach my clients, or what I've taught myself, is that when we're out there in the world, we we see burnout is a function of or exhaustion is a function of time and energy. Mm hmm. Do I have I don't have enough time, I don't have enough energy for this. I'm burning out because I have too much going on. And I don't have enough of this, that or the other, right enough time, enough support, whatever it is. Well, that it's not really about time and energy. And I know that that might be mind blowing for people. It might be like shaking their head like you have no idea what you're talking about. I understand that because it's really hard to undo that myth. But it really isn't about time and energy. That's just information that points to the real cause of burnout, which is resistance. And resistance in a nutshell is when what's working for you is outweighed by what's not working for you. Mm hmm. It's that drag on your system. And that drag on your system is what really causes the burnout and the exhaustion. It's not the 100 things you have to do on your to do list. Because if you think about it, if all those 100 things filled you with joy, you'd have so much energy to accomplish them. Nothing gets done Have you write what it is, is the resistance to doing them. Because you don't want to do them. But you believe you have to do them that creates that resistance. And that's what creates the burnout. And the exhaustion.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  25:18

Right. So let's take this 100 To Do List. Yeah, now. Yeah. And let's move into, I think, I think the topic of clarity, I think we could talk about clarity with respect to this 100 item to do list. Yes, you know, you say, you know, we've got this big to do list. And really, it's the resistance to doing it that that drains US versus the actual items on the list. And so I think what you're you are saying, we don't have to get rid of the 100 things on the list. But maybe let's evaluate them, get some clarity around how we feel about all the items on the list. And maybe we delegate some of the responsibility to somebody else. With respect to the, to the items on the list. So Can Can we talk about the topic of clarity, in terms of being overwhelmed with tons of Yeah, absolutely.

Anjli Garg 26:18

Absolutely. Yeah. And you, you're speaking to one of the things we do in the program, right, which is, you really do get clear on what it is that's burning you out? And what fills you with joy? And that's, and one of the that's, that's really critical, because when we think about this question, a lot of times, and I and I'm guilty of it, too, you think about I just want to be happy, or I want to stop feeling so unhappy. I want to feel valued. I want to feel appreciated. Well, one of the things is what is it, you get really clear on what that actually means to you. And going back to the 100 to do list items, is looking at those items and saying who, again, you can tune into yourself, what is it about this item that's creating a sense of joy or a sense of exhaustion, and me, because we all have that the minute we get up in the morning, and then we think, Oh, I have to do this, and you just want to go back to bed. And it's not because you didn't get rest, you just slept. But this the thought of doing that thing is exhausting. You haven't even done it yet. Just the thought of doing it is like I want to go back and go to sleep. And so to your point, you can look at that list and look at it and say, Well, what about this list? Can I take off my list? Doesn't mean doesn't get done, somebody else can do it. But what you'll find is what I find with both myself and I find with clients is that there's resistance to giving it up why write this resistance like, Oh, I'm a super, I should be able to do this all myself or? Well, if I give this to somebody else, they're not going to do it as well as I do, or whatever, or I don't have money to delegate this to somebody else. Like I want to, I want to like, I mean, you did this successfully, right with the getting meals made by someone else, right? So that you could free that up because it's not your your, your zone of, you know, Joy. And so, but there's resistance that comes up within us for even those list of things. And that's what we work out because those resistance items that come up to delegating to offloading whatever on that list has a lot to do with subconscious beliefs and patterns that we've taken on that we're not even aware of. But they seem very logical, right? It seems very logical that well, no one can do it better than me. So I have to do it. Because if I give it to somebody else, it's gonna get screwed up, and then I'm gonna have to redo it and it's gonna, it's gonna be even more work for me, right? How many of us have thought that I definitely have

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  29:14

absolutely right husband? Anytime he's like, Oh, you you don't want me to do this to you? Because you don't think I'm gonna do it as good as you and that's right. I'm very sorry. I'm thinking right now. When really what I should do is kind of go through the process of evaluating whether doing this thing is really draining my energy, kind of not really giving me much joy. I let go a little bit, let go of the notion that I can do it better than he can because it's that's really not true. Yeah,

Anjli Garg 29:57

yeah. And what's going to happen? What's the worst that can happen if he doesn't do it as well as you do it. Yep. Or if that other person doesn't do it as well as you do it, what's going to happen?

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  30:08

The worst that can happen is that, let's say it's dinner, it doesn't taste great. And we either just eat the non tasting great food, or we order something out the world is certainly not going to stop. And and

Anjli Garg 30:21

yeah, and meanwhile, you've just stopped yourself from burning out or exhausting that particular day, right? Exactly. And, and nothing collapsed, and you're not a bad mom, and you're not a bad wife, and you're not a bad person. But all of that stuff is logical. But in the subconscious, it's like it feels like Do or die. And that's where we go and do the work to shift whatever is happening at that subconscious level, because it's not your fault. Right? It's not your fault that you feel this way. And that you can't make yourself delegate or you can't make yourself do X, Y, and Z. Because at the core of this is you have to feel safe to do these things.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  31:11

Right. Yeah, I love I love this topic. And I maybe I should not have caught you off. But I know, I wanted to talk more about safety being at the core of, of everything, I guess. Yeah, our need to feel safe. Yeah. Can you talk more about that, and then I want to kind of go into maybe our inner nurturing our inner child, and how next to that, because that's really been a big area of growth. For me, growth and realization, I guess, is connecting to my self as a child to those feelings that I felt and, and nurturing, giving myself safety. That I could thrive, you know, as an adult, but yes, please, one.

Anjli Garg 32:11

Yeah, I mean, one of the most powerful words that we should pay attention to is the word shut. Mm hmm. Because that word is pointing to where there isn't safety. Okay. Because as a high achieving professional woman, there's this concept of I should be able to do this, or I should do this. And when I don't want to do that, which I should do, I beat myself up. Right? And if I can't do something that I should be able to do, I beat myself up. You can apply this to anything to the smallest thing like cooking a meal, or doing the laundry to getting a promotion. Or being more valued or whatever it is, right? I should be able to have that job. Why should Why didn't I go for that? Why didn't I have it? Why didn't I get promoted? I should have that should point to where there isn't safety within you. You can't logic and reason your way out of that feeling of safety. Or rather, you can't give yourself safety through logic and reasoning. It's like the child that says, mommy, daddy, there's a monster under my bed. Mommy and daddy come into the room and they say there's no monster. There's no such thing as monsters. That's logic and reasoning. Is the child reassured? Does the child feel safe? No. Right? Because no matter how many times you can try to convince that child that there's no such thing as monsters, the child still believes there's a monster. So what does the child need to feel safe in that situation? Maybe the lights need to be turned on. Maybe they need to snuggle with their mom and dad, who knows whatever it is, but it's not going to be like hey, Anjali, there's no monster under your bed. Hey, Rhonda, there's no monster under your bed. That's not going to get you there. That's the same way that we talk to ourselves. Right? Mm hmm. Like you can do this. You can go on stage, you can do this. Everyone else does it. Why can't you do it? Right. And in meanwhile, you're feeling this crippling anxiety to go and make this presentation. Whether it's on the stage or whether it's to the board or to your team or whatever and inside yours like you're shaking inside. Right but out there like in your head inside, you're like, why can't you do this? Right? What's wrong with you? Right? What's wrong with me that I can't go do this? What's wrong with me? Or someone says to you, hey, I need you to stay late and do this, this project. And you're about to leave. And you find yourself saying yes. When you want to say no. And then later on, you're like, Why did I say no? Right? And you're beating yourself up? Or you're you're blaming the other person? Like, how dare they give me an assignment at this time? When I was just about to head out the door or log off for the night? Right. So there's blame towards yourself or blame to the other person. But there, but the problem is that there was a fear there about saying no. Hmm. So that when there's a should and an OT, and the action is the opposite, it's pointing to where there isn't safety. And the antidote is not beating yourself up or blaming other people. It's really going to that core of finding out what is it that's making me feel unsafe? And how do I give myself that sense of safety? So that I can now say No, right? Because I'm safe to say no, not because someone told me, you should stand up for yourself. You're not a weakling, You're a strong woman, go do it. Right? Like, what's the big deal? Go on, go and present. People do it all the time. What's the big deal? It's not through brow brow, beating yourself or brow being browbeaten by someone else. But you get yourself do go do it. Right? Because that's just just just replacing another form of fear with another fierce. It's giving yourself that sense of safety. So that you feel that sense of empowerment and confidence to be able to go and say no, or to be able to present organically from within you because that's sustainable. Right?

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  37:08

Exactly. So we definitely want to be able to do it with ease. That's kind of one of my one of my words, if it's not, if it doesn't feel easy and natural, there's something wrong is the problem there that I need to figure out what's the root of this, like, it was this fear, this anxiety, what's going on. And I've definitely learned through working with you to not start in my head, because that that is the wrong place to try to figure it out.

Anjli Garg 37:40

It just, it's a blunt instrument for something like this, right? Because we are complex beings we have, we have so much going on in ourselves that the mind is like a computer, it's a processor, and it's running off a programming. So whatever that Einstein quote is that you can't use the same mind to solve a problem that created it is the same sort of situation because it's programmed to behave and to to perform in a certain way over time. So when we keep going back to the mind to solve every problem, which isn't a mind created problem, fear is primal, it's survival. It has nothing to do with the mind, which is why we, we in the face of stress of extreme stress, where it feels like life or death. We either flee or we freeze, or we fight. Yeah, it's not about the logical mind. And that's the kind of mini response or, or however, like permutation of it, you want to think about that's happening inside of us, when we don't feel safe. And that's what's happening in the face of someone asking you to do something and you don't feel like you can say no, you either freeze in that moment. Or maybe you fight back like who do you think you aren't asked me to do something like this? Or you feel like you can't, because that person's your superior? And you feel like you're gonna get fired if you say that or whatever it is. But that response is a primal fear based response, nothing to do with the mind. So it can't help you in that moment.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  39:13

Right? Yes. So we just had we talked about so much great stuff at a time, might have to do a part two, or hopefully back. And I always ask this question at the end, anything that you'd like to leave our listeners with, but before we we go there. Just kind of like to review what we've talked about today. And we've talked about a lot of things kind of connect to going within and assessing how you feel about a situation and the value of feeling your feelings so This is a big lesson that I learned. So when I was, you know, pre coaching within those 20 Plus things that I had to get done, every day, I did them without taking the time to feel my feelings. And I've done this for years, and just didn't, I thought that by suppressing them pushing it down, pushing through, you know, okay, I'm gonna get this law degree, I'm gonna go get this job and do this for my children. I thought that suppressing them was giving me the strength to do more and keep going. But it was actually a disservice I was, you know, it was a disservice to myself, by not taking the time to actually let them flow through me assess what they were telling me about this, the next step that I was taking it, it's you don't have to be afraid, is what I'm saying, to look at your feelings, use them as, I guess a tool to assess what it is you need, what it is you want. And it also by taking the time to feel them, you don't let them the negative effects of just letting them sit there suppressed, that once they have on your sense of well being your your health, your physical health, that doesn't happen because they pass through you they dissolve. They don't just Yes, they don't just sit there like piling on top of one another until you just break. Though you're

Anjli Garg 41:39

absolutely you're you're absolutely right feelings are just energy, and they become bigger, and take on more energy when we deny them and suppress them. Because blocked energy has to go somewhere. And it takes a lot of energy to actually suppress that energy. So it becomes a snowball effect. And energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can just be transformed. So if it's sitting there in your system, and it's not resolved, and it's causing dis ease in your system, it's going to translate into some sort of disturbance, mental or emotional or physical. It's just, it's just the way things work. It's just it's energy. And science is more and more proving this. So when you allow yourself to feel your feelings, not only do you take away, not only is that information that helps you in terms of what is causing resistance within you, you resolve that resistance, because that energy wants to come up and flow like a wave. A wants to arise and fall, arise and fall. But what happens is when it arises, we block it. Because it doesn't feel good, right? And we don't feel like we have any answer to it. You just have to do this, you have to push through it like so what if I feel angry about this right now? Or if I feel upset about this right now? What good is that going to do me. So I'm just not going to let myself go there. Right. And so that wave crests and then you put a dam up and you have so much energy blocking that wave. That it's it's, it's having a physical impact on you. When that's happening. And that wave doesn't go away, just get stuck in status. And it sits there until you can come back to it. And so that's exactly right. Once you resolve it, you're things feel lighter, you immediately feel lighter. I know you've experienced that. Yep. Right. And

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  43:47

then I have one I just have more energy to deal with or manage whatever's coming my way. I don't connect, don't feel anxious about it necessarily. I've kind of, you know, resolved whatever the resistance was accepted that this is what it is, if it's going to take me forever to do it fine. And solutions just kind of come into my my space pulled up for the problem when I when I just take the time to feel whatever I'm feeling around it. So we don't have any afraid. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings is what exact thing. Wow.

Anjli Garg 44:22

It's the most liberating thing. And I was and this is coming for someone who was so afraid to feel her feelings, right. I'm talking about myself. And I've realized that it's the one of the most liberating things and it's actually where your joy lies to. So one of the biggest things that I realized and what people realize when they're working with me is that the other side of this suppression is that it also numbs you to the good stuff.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  44:48

Yes.

Anjli Garg 44:51

Because when you get so good at holding back your feelings, it's everything that gets held back. Even that joy in lightness in life, right like I laugh more now and I know you laugh. certainly do.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  45:07

Yes. And

Anjli Garg 45:09

that's a beautiful thing. And that is the juice of life also flows from that place of feeling your feelings. So that's that. That's the other piece I wanted to mention. And if I have to leave your listeners with anything I would say I want you to know that you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. There is just this beautiful woman that is hiding inside that wants to come and show herself to you and to the world. Give her permission to come out.

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  45:46

That's wonderful. I love that. I love that I love everything you say and everything about you. And I love you and thank you so love you too.

Anjli Garg 45:57

You are wonderful. You have been one of the best clients that you take everything you soak it in and you in you apply it and it just multiplies and I've seen you your growth and trajectory with the program with with working together is just amazing. Rhonda, really amazing. Thank

Rhonda Coleman Wandel  46:17

you. Thank you